Dearest PawPaw,
I miss you. I miss you a lot. And I miss you often. I really really enjoy the days that the Lord places little reminders of you in my path. I love that so much. Those are the days that I remember to stop and be grateful for the day; for life, breath, and salvation mostly. I heard something that was totally true last night. It was that when people are living, we take what they say to us to heart but it is when they are gone that we are truly inspired by what they had to give to the world. This is what I feel with you, PawPaw. When you were still here with us, you taught me things, you showed me things, you poured SO MUCH love into me, but more than all of that, you poured Truth into me. I’m so grateful for that. Now that you are gone, I try so hard to remember all the things you ever taught me. I want to remember you forever, I don’t ever want to forget. So, I try to look for you everywhere everyday. I often find you where I find the Lord. And that, PawPaw, is so encouraging. I find you in songs, I find you outside in the wind, I find you in my dreams, I find you in the smallest of things. I am so grateful to have been called granddaughter to one of the wisest men I will ever know. You showed me what it looks like to love your spouse like Christ loves the church. You taught me to love everyone. You taught me to be the same all the time, & to never treat one person with greater respect than another. You were so consistent. I try my very best to be that way because it is a quality I admire so much. I fail miserably, of course. PawPaw, I miss you. I miss you when the days get rough. I miss you when the days are the greatest. I miss how much you cared, how much you listened to me. No matter what it was, you always listened so intently. Thank you for that. Thank you for having all the qualities I now look for in a man. Thank you for telling me things like, “just because you can doesn’t mean you should.” I will always carry the words you spoke with me everywhere I go. Thank you for showing me what prayer looks like in everyday life. You were always in prayer. Always. I am so encouraged by that and grateful, because now that I am at an age where I face fairly difficult decisions, I know where to turn. I know not to be afraid about what I should say or which way I should go because I know the Lord has already taken care of it. How sweet it is to know that the Lord has taken care of everything! I have no need to worry. I do, oh I do. But I’m grateful for the way He cares about me. PawPaw, thank you for reminding me that nothing matters in the world unless it has everlasting value. And nothing does but Salvation. Thank you for how you cared about others. Thank you for showing me that I need to care about others. I need to care if people have Jesus. PawPaw, there are many words to describe you. Kind, loving, slow to anger, great listener, considerate, intelligent, a witness, gentle, honest, knowledgeable, polite, graceful, a fighter. But the word that is so vivid in my mind that describes you- selfless. Your love was selfless. The way you loved others deeply without knowing much about them is inspiring. Because that love that you so often gave, was the same love the Father loves us with. I so desperately want to love like that. I want to be known as selfless. You cared so much about others salvation. There are very, very few people you met without sharing the Gospel with before the conversation ended. I admire that. You were so selfless. Slow to anger. I can count on one hand the number of times I ever saw you angry in my 18 years of life. I know there was much to be angry about within our family. But you never were. Oh how I desire to be slow to anger. I struggle so much with getting upset over the littlest of things. I pray one day that I can learn to be as gentle with every situation as you once were. You were knowledgeable, so incredibly smart. You enjoyed learning new things. You loved learning things so that you could tell someone about them. Your excitement to learn always made me happy. Thank you for showing me what forgiveness looks like and how to forgive others with a loving heart. You were so gentle with everyone. Thank you for letting me know that just because I failed at something doesn’t mean I am a failure. Thank you for reminding me that we learn best when we mess up. I have taken that with me and am grateful for that truth. Thank you for the joy you saw in everyday life. Every single day I journal 10 things that brought me joy and it is because of you. You were always finding the hope in hopeless situations, the goodness in the worst of things, and the beauty in ugly times. It is because of you that I am the way that I am. You influenced my life beyond measure. If you were here today and you read this, I know for a fact what would happen. You would be beyond honored, but you would be completely embarrassed. You would never want anyone to think highly of you. You would want all glory & honor to go to your Heavenly Father. So with that being said, thank you Lord. Thank you for creating such a beautiful picture of what it looks like to live like You, to love like You, and to die to self every single day for the goodness of Your Kingdom. Thank you for allowing me to call the Godliest man I know grandfather. Thank you for the qualities you allowed him to possess. Thank you for being the example in which he strived to be. And thank you for salvation. Thank you for the assurance that he is in Heaven rejoicing with you as I type this. I am grateful, Father. Incredibly grateful.
